The scariest thing about this story is that the medical professionals knew paige was suicidal, and they still gave her access to large amount of dangerous psychotropes. This story will begin with a citation because comprehension of the side effects of elavil or amitriptyline are relevant.
Amitriptyline Warnings
"The FDA requires amitriptyline to carry a black-box warning because of the risk of suicide.
In short-term studies, a small number of children, teen-agers and young adults (up to 24 years old) who took antidepressants such as amitriptyline became suicidal shortly after starting treatment.
You may have suicidal thoughts while taking an antidepressant, especially if you are younger than 24 years old.
Your family members or other caregivers should watch for changes in your mood or other symptoms.
You, a family member, or caregiver should tell your doctor right away if you experience any of the following symptoms while taking amitriptyline (especially during the first weeks of treatment or any time you change your dose):
- Thoughts of harming or killing yourself
- Worsening depression
- Extreme worry or other new feelings of anxiousness
- Agitation
- Panic attacks
- Difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep
- Aggressive behavior
- Irritability
- Unusual restlessness
- Unusual mood or behavior changes
- Unusual excitement or hyperactivity
- Agitation, hostility, or aggressiveness
- Unusually impulsive behavior
Children under age 18 should not take amitriptyline, but in rare cases, a doctor may decide the benefits outweigh the risks." https://www.everydayhealth.com/drugs/amitriptyline
The story of the wreck is here http://citedinfo.blogspot.com/2017/10/day-10-of-2017-halloween-challenge.html
Twas a short passing of time since the wreck, and paige was still foggy as well as lost. Her Momma and Daddy took her to get a cute little trailer house so she could move into her own place while paige was still 17-years-old. The only bathroom had a huge garden tub that she especially loved. The big windows all around the trailer gave her lots of sunshine for plenty of plants to fill her home. She even had a gorgeous live in boyfriend who took great care of her; nevertheless, all she could think about was killing herself so she could go be with Susan and Robbie. The only reason she hung on was that she saw how bad Susan and Robbie's parents were hurting, and she did not want to do that to her Momma or Grandmommy.
Still, the struggle was real for her. One day she began seeing visions of herself taking a bottle of elavil as it was called then. Dr. Potts did seem to care for her, and he said he would give her pot for her treatment if he could, but that they would try elavil. In actuality, she was put on this psychotrope right after her brain damage which is not wise, anyway. In addition to complications from elavil, paige had spiritual visitors who are not nice thus the visions of taking pills.
Paige and Susan's favorite album was "Piece of Mind" by Iron Maiden, and the song they loved so much was "Still Life". It even had backwards masking saying "if You don't understand it don't fuck with it", and that tickled the shit outta them. Paige really LOVED Susan the most because Susan could see inside her, and accepted her strange powers. She LOVED Robbie the most too for the same reason. There could be no choosing between them; alas, but to lose both of them at once was a serious blow. The words to their favorite song are alarmingly like what paige went through in her struggle to stay alive at this time in her life.
"Take a look in the pool and what do you see
In the dark depths there faces beckoning me
Can't you see them it's plain for all to see
They were there oh I know you don't believe me.
Oh...I've never felt so strange
But...I'm not going insane.
I've no doubt that you think I'm off my head
You don't say but it's in your eyes instead
Hours I spend out just gazing into that pool
Something draws me there I don't know what to do.
Oh...they drain my strength away
Oh...they're asking me to stay.
Nightmares...spirits calling me
Nightmares...they won't leave me be.
All my life's blood is slowly draining away
And I feel that I'm weaker every day
Somehow I know I haven't long to go
Joining them at the bottom of the pool.
Now...I feel they are so near
I...begin to see them clear
Nightmares...coming all the time
Nightmares...Will give me peace of mind.
Now it's clear and I know what I have to do
I must take you down there to look at them too
Hand in hand then we'll jump right into the pool
Can't you see not just me they want you too.
Oh...we'll drown together
It...will be forever.
Nightmares...forever calling me
Nightmares...Now we rest in peace."
Can't you see them it's plain for all to see
They were there oh I know you don't believe me.
Oh...I've never felt so strange
But...I'm not going insane.
I've no doubt that you think I'm off my head
You don't say but it's in your eyes instead
Hours I spend out just gazing into that pool
Something draws me there I don't know what to do.
Oh...they drain my strength away
Oh...they're asking me to stay.
Nightmares...spirits calling me
Nightmares...they won't leave me be.
All my life's blood is slowly draining away
And I feel that I'm weaker every day
Somehow I know I haven't long to go
Joining them at the bottom of the pool.
Now...I feel they are so near
I...begin to see them clear
Nightmares...coming all the time
Nightmares...Will give me peace of mind.
Now it's clear and I know what I have to do
I must take you down there to look at them too
Hand in hand then we'll jump right into the pool
Can't you see not just me they want you too.
Oh...we'll drown together
It...will be forever.
Nightmares...forever calling me
Nightmares...Now we rest in peace."
On the really bad days paige drove out to Hippie's Point at the Lake and looked down at the water while hearing this song. She wanted to go so bad. Her body hurt from being slammed around, she didn't fit with anyone anymore, and she couldn't always find weed to smoke that made her feel somewhat eased in her spirit.
"Sometimes i think about killing myself," paige admitted to her psychologist that she saw once a week on Daddy's insurance. Paige wanted to be a psychologist too because he made almost a 100$ an hour for 50 minute hours of just talking.
"That's normal," said Dr. Crittenden as he moved onto something else.
"Wow." thought paige, "okay, i won't tell anyone else."
A few weeks later it got bad. "I should kill myself" echoed throughout her mind along with the vision of her taking the high dosage elavils she had. It was weird because she was doing what she was seeing in her head. Feelings of regret for hurting her Momma filled her up so she went and told her Mom what she'd done.
Her Momma put her in the car and ran for some castor oil. In Grandmommy's bathroom Vickie made paige drink that castor oil before running her to the hospital.
Paige was out of it; she does not know what happened until she was back home. Fortunately, paige began throwing up in the emergency room doorway so that she would be okay as long as too much did not already get into her blood stream. The same Dr. Strom who spent hours pulling glass out of paige and sewing her left ear back on after the wreck was working the ER on the night she almost died for a second time in a short while. Then it was time for the sanitarium.
Which is a nightmare of it's own because they convince us that we're insane, and give us shitty drugs that make it worse.
"Welcome Home (Sanitarium)"
"Welcome to where time stands still
No one leaves and no one will
Moon is full, never seems to change
Just labeled mentally deranged
Dream the same thing every night
I see our freedom in my sight
No locked doors, No windows barred
No things to make my brain seem scarred
Sleep my friend and you will see
That dream is my reality
They keep me locked up in this cage
Can't they see it's why my brain says Rage
Sanitarium, leave me be
Sanitarium, just leave me alone
Build my fear of what's out there
Cannot breathe the open air
Whisper things into my brain
Assuring me that I'm insane
They think our heads are in their hands
But violent use brings violent plans
Keep him tied, it makes him well
He's getting better, can't you tell?
No more can they keep us in
Listen, damn it, we will win
They see it right, they see it well
But they think this saves us from our hell
Sanitarium, leave me be
Sanitarium, just leave me alone
Sanitarium, just leave me alone
Fear of living on
Natives getting restless now
Mutiny in the air
Got some death to do
Mirror stares back hard
Kill, it's such a friendly word
Seems the only way
For reaching out again"
No one leaves and no one will
Moon is full, never seems to change
Just labeled mentally deranged
Dream the same thing every night
I see our freedom in my sight
No locked doors, No windows barred
No things to make my brain seem scarred
Sleep my friend and you will see
That dream is my reality
They keep me locked up in this cage
Can't they see it's why my brain says Rage
Sanitarium, leave me be
Sanitarium, just leave me alone
Build my fear of what's out there
Cannot breathe the open air
Whisper things into my brain
Assuring me that I'm insane
They think our heads are in their hands
But violent use brings violent plans
Keep him tied, it makes him well
He's getting better, can't you tell?
No more can they keep us in
Listen, damn it, we will win
They see it right, they see it well
But they think this saves us from our hell
Sanitarium, leave me be
Sanitarium, just leave me alone
Sanitarium, just leave me alone
Fear of living on
Natives getting restless now
Mutiny in the air
Got some death to do
Mirror stares back hard
Kill, it's such a friendly word
Seems the only way
For reaching out again"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6Dfo4zDduI
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